Like you, my entire naval career as been with the engineering department. They are the bread and butter of the ship. They provide us with heat, water, electricity, power, everything! I’ve served as E-DIVO and AUXO, and I can attest to the fact that if you take care of your guys (women and men), have a good heart, and truly do your best in their interest, they will take care of you no matter your orientation…and they always seem to know

I love my engineers! Thank you for your service and congratulations! It seems like you’ve found a great relay partner with whom to run this race we call life.

I truly appreciate your empathy. Just as you alluded, there are many routes one may take when dealing with homosexuality in the service academy and in the military in general. I survived because I had friends with whom I could be myself. We all need that outlet.

The period that encompasses my story was a very tough time for me. Even after everything had happened from the breakup to the new relationship, seeing him in the halls caused my heart to jump in my throat and my stomach to sink. Ironically, I preferred that dreadful feeling to not seeing him at all.

I digress. I will do all I can to make the military an accepting environment. And with your help and the help of OutServe and the many other GLBT organizations, the word will get out that no one is alone, they have someone, someplace, who understands and has lived through it. That’s our goal here at OutServe and I humbly thank you for your support.

Never let anyone tell you that you don’t belong. You do. You met some of the toughest standards around just to get into the Academy. You already passed the main hurdle. The rest is in your head.

Being gay in the Navy was no small challenge at times. After completing nuclear power training I reported aboard my first ship, USS NATHANAEL GREENE (SSBN636) in New London. Already in the service for two years and a Machinist’s Mate 2nd Class I was terrified that anyone would find out I was gay. But I was in for some surprises. Aboard ship on my first patrol I hears many comments about other crew members, one in particular who was apparently widely known to be gay. I listened carefully for the words of disdain and ridicule, but I never heard them. He was a nuke electrician, EM2, and well respected as was his boyfriend on another ship. They socialized as a couple, when in port, with other crew members.

After several years aboard I was as out as he was, which is to say that most of the Engineering Department and many others aboard both knew and did not care that I was also gay. What counted was whether or not I was a good shipmate, a dependable member of a community. I was welcomed and protected from harm. It is an experience I will cherish forever. I cannot believe that experience was unique to me. This was in the early ’80s.

Regarding other comments you made, I will also say that twenty eight years ago I met the man of my life. At that time he was a YN2, wearing two Navy Achievement Medals and a host of other decorations. It can happen if you let it. You can serve, you can excfel and you can be proud. And you can be happy. Your inner strength and your inner self will be your guide, and others will sense and respond to you on that basis. Bad things can happen. But all these years later I can say, with Tim at my side, that our cumulative total of eighteen years of service are the formative basis of our lives.

Now, unlike those before you, you can also be open about who you are, and your triumphs and tribulations will still depend on your own self to a greater extent than not. You sound like a winner. In fact, in many respects the tale you’ve told us proves that you are. Just keep going – the course you set sounds full of promise.

Be strong, and you will be happy. Turn to your true friends, and know that an awful lot of us who don’t even know your name are with you. Every step of the way.

May you go from strength to strength.

I’m glad your athletic successes were able to assuage that loneliness you felt, that loneliness which I felt, too. You’re a strong man. The betrayal by your teammate, and the silence with which you had to confront it must have been excruciatingly painful. To be hamstrung by the rules and the code that force us to keep our pain and even our joy to ourselves can make you crazy at times. I’m glad you kicked ass at that meet.

Everyday, I look around and I wonder how many of us are there? This is my career. I’ll do everything I can to make it easier for those coming after me. I’m sure you’ll do the same. I wish you continued success.