• Chaplains are advised to consult with their endorsers and commanders for issues in which they may find themselves unable to provide care for LGBT couples, based on those chaplains’ religious principles.
• Chaplains who are unable to provide marriage seminar/counseling to LGBT couples are to refer those couples to other chaplains/installations or comparable civilian care.
• Chaplains who welcome LGBT couples into marriage seminars/counseling are to notify their other couples/members of the participation of those LGBT couples.
• Chaplains are required to notify their command if they choose to perform same-gender weddings, and remain at the discretion of their endorsing body in choosing whether or not to perform those weddings.
• Chaplains remain at the discretion of their endorsing bodies in choosing whether or not to allow an LGBT service member to volunteer during services (choir, teaching, other leadership capacities).

The chaplain’s memo seems to begin and end with a commitment to honoring LGBT service members and their families, stating, “We remain committed to consistently providing religious and spiritual care to all,” yet some of the guidance issued seems to alienate some LGBT couples based on the sole discretion of various endorsing agencies. Why should chaplains who openly welcome LGBT families notify their straight members ahead of time of LGBT participation? And why should chaplains be required to notify their command of the performance of LGBT weddings? I applaud the Air Force’s initiative in providing more specific guidance to chaplains, but did they take it a step too far in outlining provisions that seem to discriminate against our LGBT service members?

Read the memo here.

Sports are largely separated by gender. The same is true for the military. This will slowly change with women being allowed to serve in combat roles. Today, however, if you went to Marine Corps boot camp in San Diego it labels you as male since no women are sent there for training. You cannot talk about boot camp without exposing who you were – your gender assigned at birth – just as discussing your time on submarines or serving in the infantry would out you.

There are many transgender people serving in the military today. We serve in silence. Some of us go to great lengths to hide who we are while in the service. Once out of the service, a lot of us go to great lengths to hide our new gender. After transitioning, we do not want others to know of our past because we want others to accept us for our new gender. But hiding our background creates a whole new set of fears and anxieties.

By gaining the male characteristics that I had always wanted, I lost my history as a woman. It is as if I never existed before my transition. I can no longer share some of my most joyous moments that expose me as having once lived my life as a woman. When someone asks where my daughter’s mother is, I cringe and say it is complicated. I want to tell them that it was me that gave birth to them, but I choose to remain silent. In my silence, I feel guilty that I am doing a disservice to other transgender persons by remaining invisible and passing as male.

I do not voice my transgender status in my local community. It is a personal choice, and I have had to come to terms with it. It is not just me I have to think about; it is my family as well. Being transgender is still stigmatized in society. I know we need to change the hearts and minds of Americans, but the price to pay to make change happen is very steep. Since I am new to this town, I want to gain the community’s respect before I come out. Beyond the city limits, though, I want my voice as a trans man to be heard.

At my daughters’ school Valentine’s Day party, red and pink hearts, balloons and streamers dotted the classroom. My Valentine’s Day sweethearts are my twin daughters. I gave birth to them, yet I can no longer share that joyous moment with other mothers. While watching the kids pass out candy and cards, two mothers were talking about their pregnancy experiences. One spoke of how difficult her daughter was to deliver. The other said she had a pretty easy time. My thoughts raced; I wanted to connect with them, but how could I? I wanted to say having twins was amazing. Feeling both of them wrestle around inside me was such a strange sensation. I wanted to say I had a C-section. That they came early because the doctor accidentally induced early labor. But I didn’t. I couldn’t.

I am Dad now. And nobody knows that I used to be their mother.

So instead, I said, “We had twins.” That was all I said and all I could say. From there, one mom said her sister had twins and that she used to breast feed them both at the same time. The other cut in and said she just doesn’t know how those mothers do it, and that she has the utmost respect for women who have twins. I wanted to be a part of that magic.
A trans woman veteran named Paula told me,

Those of us who are no longer serving in uniform have an obligation to tell our histories truthfully if we ever hope to change the regulations for those who are in uniform and can’t tell their truths. The public needs to know our stories and putting faces and real people on the issue of ‘transgender service’ will be vital to winning just as it was in repealing ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.’

However, outing yourself is complicated at best.

A friend of mine, an active duty trans man in the Army, tries to embrace his past in hopes that it will help others that are questioning their gender.

I’m trying to embrace myself and my past – both civilian and military. I tell people why I left [the military] and my story, and it outs me. But I want to come to terms with myself in every point of my life, and am hoping that my story helps other people someday…Overall, though, being honest and open seems to be my best bet. I’ve gotten nothing but respect in return…nothing malicious yet.

Explaining one’s past is a personal choice, but the decision nonetheless causes a great deal of anxiety. I am still conflicted about choosing to lose my history as a woman. Hopefully, I will overcome my fears and embrace my past so others can see the true me.

About the Author: Evan Young is originally from Little Rock, Ark. He graduated basic training in 1989, transitioned from a sergeant to lieutenant in 1998, and rose to the rank of Major before retiring in 2013. Evan and his partner currently live in Spring Lake, Michigan with their two children.

Memorial Day weekend is, first and foremost, about remembering those who have made the ultimate sacrifice. It honors the many sacrifices of those who served and who are currently serving.  It lifts up families and friends who have lost loved ones to combat and in the line of duty. It recognizes the best our nation had and has to offer.

Last week, as I have on every Memorial Day spent in D.C., I joined thousands of people who visited Arlington National Cemetery to honor our fallen brothers and sisters by putting some flowers on graves and placing flags.  This year I visited a fallen brother from my home state of North Carolina. He was member of the U.S. Army Military Police Corps, just like I am. I’ve never had the honor of deploying. He did, though, and never made it back.

He lost his life to an IED blast in Iraq, and I attended his funeral back in July of 2011.  Last week, I returned to his plot in Section 60 of Arlington National Cemetery during the early afternoon hours to pay my respects.

As I approached Section 60, I noticed a large crowd of people gathering and several black SUV’s. I wasn’t really paying attention to what was going on around me; I was focused on visiting my fallen comrade. The crowd grew as I got closer to his plot. I noticed security officers were present and quickly realized something was going on. Finally, I saw him.

President Barack Obama greets visitors in Section 60 at Arlington National Cemetery in Arlington, Va.,on Memorial Day, Monday, May 27, 2013. Iraq and Afghanistan war veterans are buried in Section 60. (AP Photo / Molly Riley)

President Barack Obama. Standing less than five feet away from me.

Flashbulbs were going off all around me. Cries of, “Mr. President! Mr. President!” clamored for his attention. Eventually I couldn’t go any further – the crowd and the security were too thick. And then I realized I was face to face with my Commander-in-Chief.

I was wearing my ACU uniform. My nametape, D.C. National Guard unit patch, rank, and American flag were proudly displayed where he could see them. The President looked me in the eye, shook my hand, and thanked me for my service. He called me “sir” and “young man.” My hand was shaking afterward, and to be honest, my eyes got a bit teary. I thought to myself, I will remember this, as long as I live, as one of the most profoundly meaningful moments of my life. It only lasted a moment, but even now it’s hard to believe it happened.

I eventually made it to my comrade’s grave site. I spent some time there praying. I prayed for his family, for his unit members. I wished his family could have been there to get that handshake from the President, and so much more.

Now, with LGBT Pride Month upon us I can’t help but think about something else.  The President shook my hand and thanked me for my service. He called me “sir” and “young man.” I wonder what he would say or do if he knew I was transgender. How would he react if he knew that when I enlisted in the Army just over 4 years ago, I had not enlisted as the “young man” that I had always known myself to be. What if he knew that during basic training a thick bun of curly hair rested under my combat helmet and beret, or that during Advanced Individual Training in September 2010 I came out as transgender and decided to live my life authentically, full time as man. What would he say then? What would he do?

Despite the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” (DADT) in December, 2010, nothing has changed for me. The repeal allowed lesbian, gay, and bisexual service members to serve with integrity.  However, transgender service members still face discharge if they come out or are outed. I am one of them.

I have served honorably for four years. I’ve always gotten along with my chain of command, never failed a PT test, and when I first enlisted, planned on dedicating 20 years of service to this great country. Being a soldier was all I ever wanted to do, since I was a kid.

When Pentagon leaders released a statement on May 31 to commemorate LGBT Pride Month, they noted the service, accomplishments, and devotion to duty of transgender Department of Defense civilians. They clearly and purposefully left out transgender service members – service members like me.

What would President Obama have said when he shook my hand if he had known that very day could have been my last in uniform, my last as a Soldier? How would the President have responded if I had told him I wanted to serve 20 years, or that I dreamt of re-classing to become a helicopter mechanic and a crew chief – but those dreams were being taken from me just because of who I am?

And what would he do if he knew I wasn’t alone? That there are so many of us, all hoping and praying together that we can serve openly before time runs out for us, one way or another.  What if I’d said, “This isn’t just my story Mr. President. It is my friends’ story, my brothers’ story, and my sisters’ story.”

I know how President Obama feels about lesbian, gay, and bisexual service members. He’s been very clear about that. But I wonder what he thinks about the policies that bar transgender people from serving openly. For now, I can only hope that one day the President will say the words “transgender” and “service” in the same sentence, just like I hope that one all day service members will be able to serve honorably and openly and be judged by their capabilities, dedication, and honor, rather than their gender identity.

If I had gotten another 15 seconds with the President, maybe I would have asked him.  Maybe then I would know what he would say to Soldiers like me.

The author of this blog must remain anonymous, since transgender service members are prohibited from serving openly in America’s military.

A warm glow flushes my cheeks, and I reply, “Good morning!” Closer to work a familiar face draws near and salutes; “Good morning, Ma’am.” A heavy feeling of discontent weighs on me, and I return the salute with the grudging reply, “Good morning.”

I am a transgender military officer. Outside of work, I live my life as a man. Once on post, I am female. My short hair and manly features present an androgynous and confusing appearance.

I grew up in Arkansas, and knew that many outsiders perceived women there as “barefoot and pregnant” rednecks. That stereotype drove me to move out of the state and join the Army. I wanted to be on an equal footing with men. I found new confidence along the way as my drive to exceed expectations helped me rise through the ranks. Yet, I always had the feeling of being a second class soldier because of my gender.

Males have confidence ingrained in them at an early age. Men are encouraged to stand up for themselves and speak their mind. When they don’t, they are often labeled effeminate or called derogatory terms such as faggot or princess. The “stereotypical male” role is enforced by men as well as women. A woman speaking to a man that seems effeminate will treat him differently.

I elicited slurs such as “tomboy” or “lesbian” because I was seen as a strong female. Although I wore these labels proudly, I never felt as if I measured up to the boys in my class. As a female, I was encouraged by my parents to play sports and follow my interests in math and science. They were very supportive and allowed me to pursue what I wanted. Society, on the other hand, looked down on my pursuit of more stereotypically male interests. After all, women are expected to want to marry and have children.

I always knew that I was not just a strong woman. I have known from an early age that one day I would grow up and be a man. It wasn’t until the past few years that I came to realize that I could do something about it.

Patriarchal dominance in society keeps women from reaching their highest potential. In the military, denying women roles in combat ensured men always held the positions of highest authority. Women were enshrined as something less, trapped beneath a glass ceiling. This is changing now with Secretary Panetta’s historical lifting of the ban of women in combat. However, the mindset of some will never change. Mitigating generations of dogma about women will take time and effort. Bringing young women up to see unlimited role models and opportunities will be a big part of ushering in the next generation of leading women.

As a trans man, I recognize the male privilege that surfaces when I am recognized as male. I am seen as knowledgeable about the mechanics of my truck even if I have no clue what is causing my starter to not turn over. I can buy a new car without having someone try to pull the wool over my eyes. I can call the plumber, and he speaks with me as an equal. Rebecca Solnit observed this too, and wrote:

“Men explain things to me, and to other women, whether or not they know what they’re talking about…every woman knows what I mean. It’s the presumption that makes it hard, at times, for any woman in any field; that keeps women from speaking up and from being heard when they dare; that crushes young women into silence by indicating, the way harassment on the street does, that this is not their world. It trains us in self-doubt and self-limitation just as it exercises men’s unsupported overconfidence.”

Internalized privilege generates the confidence that I exude when returning a salute after being called “sir”. I have no preconceived lack of ability. I can be called upon to run an operation without my superiors thinking I need help. Sometimes, I think all of this may be just in my head. But then, I’ve seen this first-hand far too many times when male officers were chosen over me even though I was more qualified.

I did not transition to gain male privilege. Some lesbians, however, perceive me as a traitor. Inheriting male privilege is a by-product of transitioning from female to male. Hopefully, one day the world will rid itself of the patriarchal mindset. Women are different than men, but everyone should have the same opportunity to excel. Misogyny has no place in our military, and I am gratified leadership moving to affirm this.

In that moment where I am called “sir”, though, I feel like I can take on the world.

***

About the Author: Evan Young is originally from Little Rock, Ark. He graduated basic training in 1989, transitioned from a sergeant to lieutenant in 1998, and rose to the rank of Major before retiring. In 1998, Evan graduated from Northwestern State University of Louisiana with a B.A. in English. From there, he continued his studies while on Active Duty and graduated from Nova Southeastern University in Florida with a M.S. in Computer Information Management. He earned his public affairs credentials in 2004 and broadcasting management credentials in 2007. He served in the Reserves, Guard, and Active Duty. He was the Hawaii National Guard Public Affairs officer and a Media Officer at NORAD and US NORTHCOM. Evan began transition in 2011. He retired from the Army as a Major in 2013. Since then he began his own web development company and has written for OutServe Magazine as a blogger. Evan and his partner currently live in Spring Lake, Mich., with their two children.

I am married to Lieutenant Gary Ross. He graduated from high school a year early and he enlisted in the U.S. Navy in 1995 at the age of 17. “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” (DADT) was already in effect and the so-called Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) went into effect the following year. After a few years, Gary decided to become an officer and he received an appointment to the U.S. Naval Academy. He began school in 1998 and I met him on a dating website in 2000. We have been in a committed relationship for over 13 years. Gary graduated from the U.S. Naval Academy in 2002 and his class was the first class to graduate into war after the terrorist attacks on 9/11. He has been assigned to several ships and he is currently the Combat Systems Officer on U.S.S. ANCHORAGE (LPD 23) in San Diego.

Dan and Lt. Gary Ross

DADT forced us to hide our relationship from everyone except for a handful of trusted friends and family members. The law required Gary to keep me a secret and it forced him to lie to his shipmates on a daily basis. DADT was repealed in 2011 and we were finally able to be open and honest about our relationship for the first time. We waited more than 11 years for that moment and we were legally married in Vermont at the exact moment the repeal went into effect. DADT was a tremendous burden and it was exhilarating to finally be able to express our love openly. However, DOMA continues to cast a dark shadow on our marriage and it prevents us from receiving equal recognition, benefits, and family support for equal sacrifice and service in the U.S. Armed Forces.

Gary does the same job as service members who are married to someone of the opposite sex, but he does not receive up to $6,000 per year in compensation because we are the same sex. Gary does not receive the “with dependents” Basic Allowance for Housing (BAH) rate as a married service member. Instead, he receives the “without dependents” BAH rate which is $246 less per month in San Diego. When Gary’s ship is away from port for more than 30 days, he does not receive Family Separation Allowance (FSA) as a married service member. Instead, he receives nothing which is $250 less per month. Gary does not receive the “with dependents” Permanent Change of Station (PCS) weight allowance as a married service member. Instead, he receives the “without dependents” PCS weight allowance which is 1,500 pounds less.

Gary does the same job as service members who are married to someone of the opposite sex, but I do not receive receive vital benefits because we are the same sex. I have traveled to Mexico on numerous occasions for affordable healthcare because the cost of private insurance is prohibitive. Two days after our wedding, I was returning from the doctor in Mexico when gunfire broke out at the San Ysidro border crossing. A customs agent and several civilians were hurt. Gary and I feared for my life that day. A few years earlier, I went to the emergency room after cutting my left index finger on a table saw and the medical bills totaled about $2,000. On another occasion, I went to the dentist because I was experiencing severe tooth pain and it required a costly root canal and medication. Unfortunately, the tooth had to be extracted six months later and it took several years before Gary and I could save enough money to have my tooth replaced.

Last year, I received medical, dental, and vision insurance benefits through my employer, but I still paid about $4,500 on out-of-pocket healthcare expenses including premiums and deductibles. This year, my insurance benefits were converted to COBRA after a reduction in hours. As a result, I may return to Mexico for affordable healthcare because COBRA premiums are $548 per month.

My husband, Lieutenant Gary Ross, has served in the military for his entire adult life and he took an oath to support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic. Ironically, DOMA denies us hundreds of federal benefits and many of the same rights he supports and defends for others. DOMA makes second-class citizens out of first-class service members. DOMA is a domestic enemy of the Constitution of the United States. Gary and I are #DONEwithDOMA and we are fighting for equality.

****

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Dan Ross is the husband of Navy Lieutenant Gary Ross. The two were married at the stroke of midnight on September 20, 2011, the day of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” repeal. They are plaintiffs in OutServe-SLDN’s federal court challenge to the so-called Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), McLaughlin v. Panetta. They live in San Diego, CA.

However, as all this was going on, I realized that another situation has gone unmentioned. What happens when the spouse of a military person is transgender? Some might argue that this is a very rare situation, and doesn’t need attention. However, my recent interactions with a number of transgender people associated with the military say that this situation is far more common than people realize.

A few weeks ago a trans woman in the Dayton area sent me a message asking me if I remembered a female colonel I worked for while I was still on active duty. I did, and replied that I liked her because she generally had a good read on who everyone in the command was and what they were doing. What she wrote next blew my mind. “She came out as a lesbian after she retired in 2008. We’re married now.” A little further digging revealed that they had met and gotten married after the trans woman had transitioned. However, because of military regulations and DOMA, the trans woman did not have base access, Tricare, or any of the other benefits the spouse of a retired colonel would normally have.

In short, the military regards them as a same sex couple. But my marriage is regarded as a heterosexual one because I transitioned after we were married, even though in both cases we are trans women married to another woman.

At about the same time, I also spoke with a trans man in the military. He talked about the difficulties he and his boyfriend, a civilian trans man who lives in Washington DC, expect if they get married. Another situation that came up in discussion recently was a trans woman (MTF) I know who is closeted, but on active duty. She is married to a trans man (FTM) who is just starting transition. When the trans man civilian spouse went to medical to start hormone therapy, they refused to treat him unless his spouse came in and verified that she knew what was happening and approved.

Given all of these situations, figuring out which marriages the government will regard as gay or straight is a mind boggling exercise in one of the grayest areas of law. In the case of the retired colonel, the marriage is gay, but only because the trans woman transitioned before the marriage and wasn’t born in Idaho, Ohio, Tennessee, or Texas (where birth certificate gender changes are not legally allowed). However, the two trans men may or may not be a gay marriage, depending if the one in DC changed his SSN gender marker before or after they got married. The trans woman in the military married to a trans man is a heterosexual couple, but the trans man can’t change his gender in DEERS because of DOMA.

I approached four of my friends who practice law in the LGBT community about this, and how the federal government determines if a couple is same sex or opposite sex for the purposes of defining marriage.

I got four different answers.

I did have a long conversation with Jillian Weiss of Lambda Legal, who summed up the situation. It is mostly up to the states to determine whether a marriage is gay or not for federal purposes. Unfortunately, this isn’t very helpful to transgender people, since when it comes to transgender people, marriage law varies radically from state to state. A lawyer in seminal transgender marriage law case of Littleton v. Prange noted in 1999:

“Taking this situation to its logical conclusion, Mrs. Littleton, while in San Antonio, Tex., is a male and has a void marriage; as she travels to Houston, Tex., and enters federal property, she is female and a widow; upon traveling to Kentucky she is female and a widow; but, upon entering Ohio, she is once again male and prohibited from marriage; entering Connecticut, she is again female and may marry; if her travel takes her north to Vermont, she is male and may marry a female; if instead she travels south to New Jersey, she may marry a male.”

Legal reasoning since then has been divided, and has often involved complex constitutional arguments such as the full faith and credit clause. In general, though, for purposes of estate such as In re Gardiner, birth sex has been treated as the gold standard of determining whether or not a marriage is gay.

Jillian also reiterated what I was finding out on my own; there is no such thing as legal gender. There is only legal gender for a specific purpose. I am female on my driver’s license, on my passport, in my civilian company’s personnel database, and with my health care provider. However, because they didn’t offer partner benefits when I started (that changed this year on January 1), I was male for the purposes of my marriage. Just to keep things interesting, I am male in DEERS (the military personnel database) because my spouse is female in the system, and as a result of DOMA, the software will not allow me change my gender in the system.

In the end, no one can seem to agree whether a marriage involving transgender people is same sex or not. But, marriages involving transgender people do happen, and involve the military more than people know. However, until the military recognizes all marriages and DOMA is struck down, the Gordian knot that is transgender marriage law represents a barrier to determining how to effectively integrate transgender people into the military.

My true story begins on my medical retirement date after 15 years of honorable service. Throughout my career, I won awards and received high marks for my dedicated and exceptional work. However, that was not enough to shield me from scrutiny.

Evan Young

I have been the subject of two investigations; each desperate attempts by my commands to sabotage my career prior to the end of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” (DADT). I’ve sat in a room with an investigator, a blank sheet of paper, and a pen while he pressured me to give up names of friends that I knew were gay.

I refused.

My command has searched through my medical records, looking for proof of me being transgender.

They found nothing definitive.

Being forced to live my life behind a mask left me frustrated with the military. I have faced harassment at every level of my career; a Drill Sergeant trying to take advantage of me in basic training, a First Sergeant forcing himself on me as a lower enlisted, a different homophobic First Sergeant going on a crusade to have me kicked out for being gay, and a Lieutenant Colonel bent on proving that I was transgender.

I have survived them all.

For me, there was no outlet to confide my secrets. Fear of repercussion sealed my lips. Today, there is a network of LGBT soldiers and allies to confide my frustration. OutServe-SLDN provides a much needed support system. I never trusted anyone during my military career, even psychiatrists or psychologists. Therapy simply proved that I had anxiety and depression, but the real reasons were never revealed.

Now that I am retired I feel a tremendous weight lifted from my shoulders. I can be who I truly am and more importantly, I no longer have to hide my family. As a single soldier, it was much easier to hide my feelings and blend in. Having children with my partner brought a whole other level to hiding who I am.

I felt like even more of an outcast after a year of my secret transition to becoming male. It’s not just me that suffered though. My children did as well. I chose to live far away from the military community in order to distance myself from prying eyes. At home, my neighbors have no clue that I was born a female. My children are young and un-prejudiced enough that they accept me unconditionally.

Since starting testosterone my voice has dropped. With it, my children wanted to change from calling me Mommy to calling me Daddy. For them, it was a logical transition. I have a boy brain, and doctors are helping me have a boy outside. After a year into hormone replacement therapy, daddy is a natural designation for them. Unfortunately with that change, I didn’t dare bring my kids anywhere near the military. I avoided any military functions where family participation was encouraged. Shopping at the commissary or post exchange with my kids was not an option. The simple word “Daddy” could have jeopardized my entire career.

I left my life at the gate every day when I came to work. The current policies on transgender individuals affected my career and my military family. Since I chose to stay away, I missed opportunities to build cohesiveness with my unit. Transgender discrimination hurt not only me and my family, but it also hurt my military team.

The cohesion that is built between soldiers in everyday tasks depends upon honesty and openness. It binds an organization together to function as a unified and integrated unit. When parts of that organization were suppressed and I was not allowed to share significant parts of my life, a distance was formed. I never felt as if I was part of the military family. I didn’t feel as if I could count on my fellow soldiers to back me up if I ever came out.

There is no regulation that requires one to go to military functions; however, forming a bond between soldiers is what makes a military family. I never allowed myself to form that bond for fear of being outed as either a lesbian or now as a trans man. Bringing my partner to military events would bring unneeded scrutiny to my personal life before DADT. Lifting DADT allows me to bring my partner to events, but I still am trapped behind my mask. This mask fades every step I make through transition, and I am lucky enough to have found the door to this closet.

***

About the Author: Evan Young is originally from Little Rock, Ark. He graduated basic training in 1989, transitioned from a sergeant to lieutenant in 1998, and rose to the rank of Major before retiring. In 1998, Evan graduated from Northwestern State University of Louisiana with a B.A. in English. From there, he continued his studies while on Active Duty and graduated from Nova Southeastern University in Florida with a M.S. in Computer Information Management. He earned his public affairs credentials in 2004 and broadcasting management credentials in 2007. He served in the Reserves, Guard, and Active Duty. He was the Hawaii National Guard Public Affairs officer and a Media Officer at NORAD and US NORTHCOM. Evan began transition in 2011. He retired from the Army as a Major in 2013. Since then he began his own web development company and has written for OutServe Magazine as a blogger. Evan and his partner currently live in Spring Lake, Mich., with their two children.

Colonel Espinas with his sisters, Lani Espinas (Left) and Liza Espinas (Right).

Since the Director of Chapter and Members Services is a new position, I thought it might be helpful to share my duties and responsibilities to provide an understanding of my role. I will be responsible for working to implement the vision, mission, and strategic plan for the more than 50 OutServe-SLDN chapters and 6,000 members around the world. To that end, I will be the first point of contact and principal liaison for the membership on the OutServe-SLDN staff, and will be responsible for keeping the membership informed about OutServe-SLDN initiatives. I will provide support for chapter programs and activities, to include developing and implementing a long-term plan for providing services to chapters and members; and working with Chapter Leaders and others to implement OutServe-SLDN’s chapter organization plans. I report directly to Allyson Robinson as a member of OutServe-SLDN’s senior staff, and am based in Washington, DC.

There is much work to be done as we seek to fulfill our mission of empowering, supporting, and defending our LGBT troops and strengthening our military’s culture of inclusion. Feel free to contact me at any time. You can always reach me at gary@outserve-sldn.org. I look forward to hearing from you!

Freedom to Serve!

COL Stewart Bornhoft, on right, served in the U.S. Army from the time of his West Point graduation in 1969 until his retirement in 1995. He is married to Stephen McNabb, on left, a former Navy Lieutenant with eight years of active duty service and his partner of 16 years.

The path of progress toward full equality still has potholes. Just as prominent individuals, such as our Commander-in-Chief and more recently Senator Rob Portman (R-OH), have come to recognize the legitimacy of marriage equality, so too have growing segments of U.S. citizens at the ballot box. Meanwhile there is parallel advance of similar but still insufficient progress within our armed forces. The repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” opened the way to honest and open service, but the road ahead has obstacles that impede and frustrate leaders within both the Departments of Defense and Veterans Affairs. They are restrained from issuing policies that provide full fundamental equality and fairness.

The Pentagon has long recognized that we “recruit soldiers but retain families.” An experienced workforce is essential to the success of any enterprise, but the military is different than the private sector when it comes to people. You can’t hire a sergeant from Craigslist. Headhunters do not provide a source of combat-experienced talent when you have to replace a major, a sergeant major or a major general; you have to grow them. You can only fill the ranks and maintain the force by retaining experienced military careerists, and that’s done by retaining their primary support group — their families.

As a nation, we ask a lot of our military members. In exchange for long hours, dangerous assignments, extended and repeated deployments, we make promises to them that we will take care of their families. We provide support services, medical benefits, housing, educational opportunities and other sustaining elements. If a talented service member proves his or her mettle, we welcome their continued service and offer a retirement that includes supplementary medical care, continued access to military bases, and when the time comes, death benefits and burial services with honors. These are essential incentives to motivate experienced service members to continue to endure the rigors of military life. And a supportive family is almost always the determining factor, when the lure of a perceived easier life “on the outside” beckons.

Given this reality, the Pentagon’s emphasis on family support has grown steadily in recent decades. But now, DOMA — enacted in 1996 with only one day of hearings, no mention of any consequences on the military, and no anticipation that honest and open service would finally arrive — has become a major monkey wrench in the gears of personnel retention. Uniform treatment of soldiers in the ranks has always been the bedrock of a nation that values equality and justice. DOMA prevents our nation’s uniformed leaders from treating all its military families equally.

Although my military service spans four decades, includes two voluntary tours in Vietnam, multiple commands in combat and at levels from Captain to Colonel, my legally married same-sex spouse is treated by the federal government as a legal stranger. He cannot receive the burial options or survivor benefits he deserves or would be entitled if he were of the opposite sex. When my appendicitis prompted our trip to the local military hospital’s emergency room, my ID card gained access for us both, but once I was admitted, there was no guarantee he’d be allowed re-entry after complications prolonged my stay. The state government that granted our marriage license and welcomes our jointly filed state income tax gives total legal treatment to our relationship. However, DOMA prescribes that the federal government should not — indeed, cannot — value or recognize our relationship.

If our national security depends on retaining motivated, experienced military careerists — and few would doubt that it does — then we need to treat both them and their families equally. Repealing “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” was a step in the right direction. The next step is ending DOMA.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR: COL Stewart Bornhoft served in the U.S. Army from the time of his West Point graduation in 1969 until his retirement in 1995. He is married to Stephen McNabb, a former Navy Lieutenant with eight years of active duty service and his partner of 16 years. The two are plaintiffs in OutServe-SLDN’s federal court challenge to DOMA. They live in Bonita, CA.

Afterwards, she was picked up immediately to continue working with airborne surveillance aircraft and helicopters as a contractor out of Fort Hood, Texas. As a contractor, she continued to work with military intelligence gear through three years in Korea, and tours in Afghanistan and Iraq. None of this may sound particularly unusual. Tens of thousands of military contractors have served in theater alongside the military, filling specialized and highly technical roles for more than a decade.

Except for one key detail: Rachel is transgender. She began transition in theater, and finished during her rotation out of the AOR. Then she went back into theater post transition without missing a beat. For the better part of a decade, Rachel has been “in the field” working on some of America’s most important intelligence assets, and doing it as a trans woman.

Rachel had struggled with her gender identity for years, and it came to a head in 2006 after a motorcycle accident forced her to reassess her priorities in life. She made a commitment to transition and volunteered to go back into theater to help save up for the costs of transition. From 2007 through 2010 she worked in Iraq on FLIR and electro-optical sensors, and started preparations for transition in earnest. “I found a therapist online who would do Skype sessions. I went back on HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) in mid 2009, and scheduled Facial Feminization Surgery (FFS) for the following year.”

Rachel took two months off in early 2010 for FFS, and notified her Human Resources (HR) department about her intention to transition. After she returned from FFS to Afghanistan, she informed her co-workers of her intent to transition in late 2010. Their reactions were mixed, and some of the blame for these mixed reactions possibly falls on her company. Her HR had no Equal Opportunity (EO) policy in place protecting gender identity, and no policy concerning how to handle an employee transitioning.

“Some of my co-workers have been extremely supportive, and others have been openly hostile… Even two years later, it is still known to me that some of them (the hostile ones) are telling newcomers about my past. I’ve been in contact with my HR to let them know that it is time to let the past be the past.”

Rachel Bolyard

In early 2011 Rachel took a three month leave of absence to have Gender Reassignment Surgery (GRS). After her surgery she had to be in-processed again via the Army’s Individual Replacement Deployment Operations (IRDO) program. While there, she was treated essentially like every other woman in the program. “While I am deployed now, I use the female latrines and showers, and my roommates are women.”

I asked her if her roommates in theater knew about her past. Unfortunately, some people have made it their business to try and influence her roommates’ opinions of her. “Because I am still with the same group of people that I was with during transition, they still feel it is OK to talk about it without my permission… I have asked them repeatedly to allow me to introduce myself and be myself without that label and in time, I will or won’t talk about it. So far, at this site, I am still being outed to newcomers without consent though”

Still, I asked, what about your roommates? Did they have any issues? Rachel’s answer was emphatic and to the point, “No. They have been very understanding.”

I also asked about her interactions with military people, and not just the contractors. How did they handle her being trans? Were they professional in their dealings with her? “The military folks generally aren’t any the wiser, unless one of the co-workers decides to reveal my past to them. If they (the military people) do know, they do a better job of hiding it than some of my co-workers. The military side actually seems to be more disciplined or doesn’t care. It’s kind of weird. You would think that the civilian side would be more understanding, but it hasn’t been my experience.”

When asked about where the issues are coming from, it wasn’t hard for her to pinpoint: “It is just a minority of people who make life more difficult than needed… Some of my co-workers are extremely transphobic, and see me as a pariah that needs to be excluded or sent home.” Ironically, she works at an international base, where she has met transgender service members from Canada and England.

Medically, being transgender in theater hasn’t been a significant factor. Every three months she gets a check up and a re-fill on her prescriptions. They’re stable even at high temperatures like the ones encountered in Iraq and Afghanistan, and she keeps a 2 month “back up” supply in case her access to her normal re-fills is interrupted for some reason.

In spite of the ups and downs, she’s where she wants to be. “I really like my job, love aircraft, so I don’t want to leave… I really want to fly again as an aircrew member like when I was in the service, but it was only last year that women were allowed onboard to be operators.”

There are a lot of lessons to be learned from Rachel’s experiences. A strong chain of command that demands professional, respectful conduct has a strong positive impact on the workplace climate and culture. She demonstrates that transgender people have been successfully working in theater for years. It also shows that the biggest impediment to transgender people serving isn’t medical or their ability to do their jobs. The issue is the same people, who for personal reasons, would prefer to see integrating LGB people into the military fails.

Many of the same arguments raised against ending DADT are being used to perpetuate the discriminatory policies against transgender service members. Highly capable and dedicated transgender DoD civilians and contractors like Rachel show that transgender people are willing and able to be a part of the military and its missions. The only thing holding them back is the same sort of fear and prejudice that kept lesbian and gay people from serving openly.

It begs the question, though: If those people shouldn’t have a say in LGB people serving openly, why should they have a say in transgender peoples’ ability to serve?