With nearly 250 LGBT active-duty, veterans, family members and allies from around the world in attendance, the conference fostered networking, professional development and idea exchange on a wide range of topics related to LGBT military service.

The conference kicked off with a day of activities for OutServe leadership to help organize the new association and provide resources for chapter leaders. Following that was a full day of concurrent workshops including:

-Partner and family benefits: what you should know
-Pluralism and professionalism in the military chaplaincy
-How our military allies did it: foreign perspective on LGBT service
-Being “out” while being in: leading from the front
-Post-military career opportunities
-Equal opportunity and gender in a post-repeal military
-Scriptures and homosexuality
-Service members and the freedom to marry
-Dealing with deployment: for servicemembers and partners
-OutServe Magazine: how we can make it better, how you can contribute
-Transgender service: current issues and policy
-The death of DADT and the path forward for LGBT rights

While the conference was uniquely OutServe, a host of organizations were there as speakers and participants. Represented organizations included Knights Out, the Service Women’s Action Network, the Military Acceptance Project, the Military Partners and Family Coalition, the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, the Service Academy Gay and Lesbian Association, the Forum on the Military Chaplaincy, and the NOH8 Campaign.

Despite OutServe’s infancy, the group attracted several sponsors for the event, including The Human Rights Campaign, Central Intelligence Agency, Servicemembers Legal Defense Network, Out & Equal Workplace Advocates, the Courage Campaign, Coverity, Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Authority, Tropicana, the Log Cabin Republicans, American Veterans for Equal Rights, Sanctuary Project Veterans, the Pride Institute, the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, the Stonewall Democrats of Nevada, New York-New York Hotel & Casino, and Wells Fargo & Co.

Speaking of sponsorships, the OutServe Board was pleased to announce during the summit that they hired the association’s first full-time employee responsible for resource development, Tom Nibbio.

As the conference wrapped up, an unofficial poll showed an interest in renewing the conference for 2012 in Washington D.C. where conference attendees could have an effect on ongoing legislative initiatives for the LGBT community.

Articles in this summit package will address various workshops, attendees and other events during the weekend.

High Ranking Gay Defense Civilian Addresses Summit

The OutServe Summit culminated with a dinner keynoted by the highest-ranking ‘out’ gay civil servant in the Department of Defense (DoD), Assistant Secretary of Defense for Public Affairs Douglas Wilson.
Mr. Wilson was honest about his experiences as a gay man, and as a senior Defense official during the DoD’s repeal implementation.

Met with thunderous applause, the highlight of Mr. Wilson’s speech was his personal delivery of a letter from First Lady Michelle Obama to the Summit attendees. The contents of that letter read:

“I’m so pleased to send my warmest greetings to all of you attending the inaugural OutServe Armed Forces Leadership Summit. And I want to thank each of you for your service to our nation. Today, less than one percent of Americans serving in our military — they bear 100 percent of the responsibility of protecting our nation.

As you know well, when our troops are called to action, so, too, are their families. Military families support and sustain the servicemembers who support our freedom, care for our weak warriors, and survive our fallen.

I believe all of us have a role to play in ensuring our servicemembers and their families have the support they’ve earned. That’s why Dr. Jill Biden and I launched Joining Forces, a nationwide initiative to recognize and support our military families.

We are joining forces with cities and states, families and communities, businesses and nonprofits—asking everyone to do their part to honor and serve families just like yours.

Until very recently, gay and lesbian Americans have had to serve in silence. But in spite of this tremendous obstacle, servicemembers like you persevered. With courage and determination, you chose to serve and continue to exemplify what is best about the American spirit.

I truly hope Joining Forces makes a real impact in your lives and I hope it is worthy of the strength and commitment you and your families demonstrate every single day.
Thank you for your extraordinary service to our nation and please remember to stay connected to Joining Forces.

I wish you all the best.

Michelle Obama.”

He ended his speech with a call to action to bring focus on the difficulties the children of servicemembers face in school as well as to educate employers about supporting service members.

As the Assistant Secretary of Defense for Public Affairs, Mr. Wilson serves as the principal staff advisor and assistant to the United States Secretary of Defense and United States Deputy Secretary of Defense for public information, internal information, community relations, information training, media analysis and communication strategy in support of DoD activities, leading a worldwide public affairs community of several thousand military and civilian personnel.

Leading From ‘Out’ Front

Five national change agents during the lead- up to repeal prompted a popular Summit panel entitled “Being ‘out’ while being in: leading from the front.”

Addressing the issue of being ‘out’ in a post-repeal environment, many participants sought guidance on how to create an atmosphere of inclusion and diversity in the military, as well as an understanding of the implications of being out.

Panelists included Zoe Dunning, former board co-chairwoman for the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network, Mike Almy and Jonathan Hopkins, repeal advocates kicked out under “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” (DADT), Michelle Benecke, one of the founders of SLDN, and Josh Seefried, one of the founders of OutServe.

One key conversation topic was fraternization among the ranks as gays and lesbians in a tight-knit community. Concern arose that LGBT troops may not be treated the same as their heterosexual counterparts.

The conversation compared the odd phenomenon where women military members sometimes hold other women subordinates to higher standards of conduct.

The panel also addressed a need for LGBT leadership in a post-DADT climate and the positive benefits of leading the way to open and honest service for LGBT service members.

Surviving Parents Stand Tall at OutServe Summit

Jeff & Lori Wilfahrt receive a commemorative plaque from OutServe Hawaii where their son, Cpl. Andrew Wilfahrt, had been stationed before being deployed

Just before the ban on openly gay troops ended, Cpl. Andrew Wilfahrt, who was gay, died by an improvised explosive device in Afghanistan. His parents, Lori and Jeff Wilfahrt, spoke about their experiences, their son and gay rights issues during the closing events of the OutServe’s Armed Forces Leadership Summit.

“His death is no more or less significant than other soldiers killed in wars, but ‘Gay Soldier Killed in Afghanistan’ is a compelling headline and confounding story for some people,” said Mrs. Wilfahrt, who remarked that being gay was the least interesting thing about her son.

Despite his death, the family was comforted in the idea that his story helped aid the fight to end DADT. Mrs. Wilfahrt relayed her son’s experiences in the military and the tributes given to him, such as naming a security forces outpost after him near Kandahar.

“What all these tributes tell me is that a good soldier is defined by many things, and sexual orientation is not in the equation,” she said, applauding the service of other gay service members and those who helped defeat DADT.

She transitioned from DADT to other LGBT issues, stating soldiers fight to protect freedoms, but people are quick to limit freedoms at home for some Americans.

“It is not lost on us that Andrew died protecting rights that he himself could not enjoy,” she said. “Especially the right to marry the person he loved.”

Mrs. Wilfahrt relayed how her home state of Minnesota pushed through a state constitutional amendment banning gay marriage, up for vote in 2012, pledging to use her son’s story to defeat the trend.\

“Ordinary people like Jeff and I are on your side,” she said. “We’re willing to fight with you and for you. There are a lot of people like us willing to do the same. Tonight, we celebrate the progress made so far. Thank you for all you do to make things right for all LGBT citizens of this country.”

The Wilfahrts were presented a photograph of a section of highway in Hawaii dedicated to their son, maintained by the OutServe Hawaii chapter. Cpl. Wilfahrt was stationed in Hawaii prior to deployment.

OutServe Develops Service Academy Cadets at Summit

Cadet First Class Andrew Gavelek pictured on right

The Army and Coast Guard service academies sent cadets on official orders to attend OutServe’s Armed Forces Leadership Summit to garner information on how to lead as cadets and young officers in a post-DADT military.

Cadet First Class Andrew Gavelek attended through sponsorship by the U.S. Coast Guard Academy’s cultural diversity and inclusion office after hearing about the event through OutServe’s online network.

Amazed by the camaraderie at the Summit, Gavelek said, “The conversations we are having here are going to benefit our organizations as a whole.” He intends to go back to the Academy and share his experiences at the Summit.

In particular, Gavelek wants to impress upon his peers that there are a number of resources available out there to handle LGBT issues for those who serve. “If we create a million ways to handle the change, we are going to defeat ourselves in the long run,” he said.

After serving on a Coast Guard cutter, likely as a deck watch officer, Gavelek hopes to get involved in policy making for the Coast Guard at a national level.

Two Army cadet third classes from West Point, preferring to not be named, spoke to OutServe Magazine as well. One aspires to be an aviator. The other is looking at the engineer branch. They were part of a group of seven cadets on a West Point Department of Cadet Activities sanctioned trip. Knights Out, West Point’s LGBT alumni group, sponsored their trip.

One cadet was even allowed to skip out on regimental-level training to attend. “West Point was very supportive of the trip in general,” he said. “They are always looking for ways to send cadets out to learn about things that affect the changing dynamics of the Army.”

Both cadets felt the Summit prepared them to answer questions about repeal to their peers and future platoons, and made them more of a leadership asset to their cadet companies now.

“I’ll be able to discern the best leadership approach to situations and can give advice because I learned about the policies here,” said one cadet.

“It doesn’t make us an expert, but it makes us more knowledgeable about the transition,” said the other cadet.

Both cited the partner benefits panel and the panel on international allies benchmarking open gay service in their countries as being very helpful.

“There are going to be different types of partner benefits,” one said. “It’s going to be very complicated and cause an imbalance in my unit. I’m going to have to answer questions to my troops on why someday.”

All of the cadets OutServe Magazine spoke to felt the Summit was beneficial to their leadership development as future military officers.

“I appreciate OutServe for hosting the conference and Knights Out for funding us,” one said. “This has been a very helpful conference … informing people on current issues that apply to all service members and making us informed leaders.”

Summit’s Benefits Impress Attendees

Time well-spent and a professional environment were the general reviews of the inaugural Outserve Armed Forces Leadership Summit October 13-15 in Las Vegas.

Air Force Capt. Ryan Quinn, a C-17 pilot from Joint Base McGuire-Dix-Lakehurst, and his local OutServe chapter leader wanted to come simply because it was in Las Vegas and to connect with people of similar interest.

What he got out of the Summit, though, was more.

“I was amazingly impressed with the professionalism and content of the conference, especially for such a young organization at its first conference,” he said. “Our members bring a lot of skill and experience to the conversation. I think it’ll help me understand some of the issues that people are facing and how I can serve to help leadership understand those issues.”

Having attended a workshop at the summit on transgender service, Quinn recognized there is more to do.

“LGB service members are allies for transgender service members, and it will be necessary to help out in the fight to get equality for them,” he said.

Quinn also learned from international allies on best steps going forward.

“Just because we’re not banned from service now doesn’t mean we don’t need a policy. No policy is not the best policy. There needs to be some nondiscrimination policy that covers all areas. Without a policy, it’s just undefined,” he said.

The number of people who attended, particularly junior ranks, made an impact on U.S. Coast Guard LCDR John Fiorentine from Washington, D.C.

“It’s exciting to be at the first one and be a part of this. I look forward to next year and getting more involved in my local chapter,” he said. Fiorentine was impressed by the Hawaii chapter’s organization and level of involvement that won them the Chapter of the Year award during the keynote dinner.

Others were more nostalgic about the conference, like Petty Officer 1st Class Leonardo Lucio who joined the Navy in 1990 and could have retired last year, but stayed through repeal just to see what it would be like.

“After coming to the OutServe Summit, I’d stay for another 20 years. It’s going to be a new Navy,” he said.

Even a conference as successful as this has room for improvement, however. Suggestions during the final session included the need to actively recruit more women attendees, create programs specific to the lesbian community, and also provide forums for the plethora of gay military spouses in attendance.

Phuoc Le, the partner of an Army reservist from Annapolis, Md., said he learned a lot about what his partner had to deal with during deployment, but wished the program had more to do with spouse support.

Many sponsors and partners agreed to support the conference in the future as well. Amazon.com pledged to bring 15 partner organizations with it next year and Jeffrey Correa, a veteran with the group Freedom to Marry, said, “I loved it. It was better than Cats. I want to go again.”

As the interviews for this post-repeal issue commenced, it became clear that while gays and lesbians can serve openly within the military, they have not yet escaped the limelight. LGB service members will remain central to two key issues to the greater fight for LGBT equality: the quest to seek marriage equality, and nondiscrimination based on sexual orientation.

What follows are the results of interviews with various organizations regarding how their mission and focus were affected by the end of DADT. No organization is packing up their shop and claiming mission complete. Rather, they all seem to be sticking to their stated vision, and leveraging their diverse strengths to further LGBT issues.

SLDN

“The core of our programs will remain legal programs,” said Aubrey Sarvis, SLDN executive director who is following the repeal’s implementation.

Sarvis said he doesn’t expect issues, but wants his watchdog organization to provide oversight to the Department of Defense (DoD) on the process.

Yet with gays now being able to serve openly, Sarvis said the focus of SLDN’s legal advocacy and cases may change. Within the legislation that ended DADT, Congress removed the clause regarding nondiscrimination from the original draft. “We will continue to advocate that the President issue an executive order prohibiting discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity,” he said.

According to SLDN, their first priority is to ensure protection from discrimination under the new law, protection which effectively doesn’t exist. Service members who feel they have been victims of discrimination based on their orientation only have two choices: file a complaint with the inspector general, or report the incident to their commander.

SLDN wants those in uniform to have access to independent reporting chains through the equal opportunity (EO) office, just as their civilian counterparts do. This would require the updating of EO processes and procedures to include LGB personnel.

Some gays and lesbians balk at this idea for fear of being designated as a protected class of people within the organization. One justification for the repeal of DADT was, in fact, a desire for fair and equal treatment — no better, no worse. Unfortunately, DoD training for the repeal of DADT specifically indicated that sexual orientation was not covered under the existing EO umbrella, thus limiting the recourse for LGB service members who experience discrimination.

Secondly, SLDN will be an active advocate for parity of benefits between gay and straight troops. Sarvis cited the need to both repeal the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), as well as make changes to Title 10 U.S. Code to update the language defining the word spouse, as many DoD benefits are based on recognition of dependents.

“That definition needs to be changed as it didn’t envision a spouse of the same gender, requiring Congressional action.”

Provisions in the Defense of Marriage Act and other laws prohibit DoD from extending certain benefits, such as housing and transportation allowances, to same-sex partners, said Pentagon spokesman George Little.

“But a same-sex partner can be designated a beneficiary, for example, for life insurance. The department continues to examine benefits to determine any that may be changed to allow the service member the discretion to designate persons of their choosing as beneficiaries,” said Little.

However, in a letter to Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta in August, SLDN proposed 10 modifications Sarvis says DOMA wouldn’t prohibit but would be allowed if the department edited its regulations. Their list includes providing access for same-sex partners to the following:

-Military family housing
-Commissaries and exchanges
-Morale, welfare, and recreation resources
-Family programs such as marriage and family counseling
-Legal aid such as the writing of wills for same sex spouses
-Issuance of military ID cards
-Joint duty assignments
-Exemption from hostile fire zones for dual military families
-Command-sponsored dependent status and space-available travel access for overseas assignments
-Spousal privilege in courts martial, preventing same-sex partners from having to testify against each other.

These issues are governed by policy, not statute, and the Pentagon has the authority to change policy, thus affording married gay couples the same rights as heterosexual couples.

In the interim, SLDN sees their core legal service focusing more on correcting records. They will assist those discharged under DADT and under prior laws to correct their discharge paperwork. On the legal front, they are also involved in lawsuits for people seeking reinstatement or the opportunity to rejoin in a different capacity.

Lastly, and what is viewed as longer-reaching goal, Sarvis said SLDN will advocate for transgender military service, making service based on qualification, not gender identity.

Servicemembers United (SU)

Alex Nicholson, Servicemembers United founder, is focused where it has been most effective—defense personnel policies and issues impacting the LGBT military community. He stressed that though SU supports the repeal of DOMA, SU’s efforts are more localized.

“The multi-issue LGBT organizations with much bigger budgets are better suited to lead [the DOMA] issue, although Servicemembers United will certainly be supportive in any way it can,” he said.

Some of the more attainable items Nicholson cited were increasing the range of service member-designated benefits, and securing DoD support for gay military partners and families such as those listed in the SLDN letter to DoD.

Nicholson also said his group will continue working to end carry-over practices from DADT such as recoupment of benefits in DADT discharge cases, as well as fighting what he called thinly-veiled, work-around discharges. Such discharges are the result of situations a nondiscrimination policy could address, discharges for non-LGB related infractions that are less enforced in the general military population.

Log Cabin Republicans (LCR)

The biggest effect the demise of DADT had on the leadership of the Log Cabin Republicans was the wake-up call that while service members can no longer be fired due to their sexual orientation, many of their police officer, firemen and school teacher members who are not protected under a national employment nondiscrimination act can be, according to R. Clarke Cooper, LCR executive director.

“Law enforcement officers, for example, in many jurisdictions don’t have protection,” Cooper said. “When DADT repeal passed, the Log Cabin Republicans were pinged by their membership saying it ain’t over. We can get fired tomorrow. It’s un-American, unfair.”

Working an LGBT agenda with Republicans can be tenuous; however, this issue has an economic aspect at a time when jobs top the political discourse. “There are members of Congress who say nobody should be denied earning an income,” he said. The first attempt at legislation on this issue came in 2007, but failed.

As for such a policy for the military, Cooper, who is also an Army Reserve officer, has a more pragmatic opinion regarding the immediate need of a nondiscrimination policy than SLDN, saying those running military equal opportunity programs should presume the definition of nondiscrimination already includes gays. (*Editor’s note: DoD Tier 1-3 repeal training clearly stated that sexual orientation was not covered under the umbrella of Equal Opportunity, thus DoD would need to adjust their position on EO prior to service members presuming to be protected from discrimination based on current EO policy.)

“Does it need to be memorialized? Yes, but it’s not as hot an issue to tackle as others,” he said, describing instead LCR’s active education campaign to end DOMA in 2012.

LCR is partnering with Freedom to Marry and even some who helped author DOMA to lobby its repeal. They are actively targeting fellow conservatives to create allies in an educational campaign, and using the military as a prime example of how DOMA is detrimental to the nation.

“DOMA will eventually be killed through efforts in the DoD as it isn’t sustainable from a personnel standpoint,” he said. “There will be a stratified system for delivery of benefits. DoD is going to be the biggest change agent for DOMA.”

From Cooper’s experience in his own unit, he has heard questions about travel orders and visas upon changing stations, as well as questions on how to provide benefits to legitimate dependents. One example he gave is the legally married lesbian couple who seeks child care on base, but with a child who is not the natural born dependent of the military member. “Such a situation shouldn’t be a problem, but it will be,” he said.

OutServe

OutServe’s overall educational agenda has changed little with DADT’s downfall. “OutServe will continue it’s primary focus to ensure successful implementation of repeal, and that everyone is able to do their jobs successfully, no matter their orientation,” said Jonathan Hopkins, OutServe spokesperson. “As we move forward, we will help identify any problems that develop post-repeal and assist in rectifying them in an orderly way. This is one way we will continue to help improve our military.”

OutServe is organized as a 501(c)3, not a lobbying organization. In that light, Hopkins said the group can still educate on the impact DOMA has on LGBT troops. “A family is a family. Military families of all types serve the nation just the same. Through information and education, our nation can make smart and informed decisions, based upon equality, which is ultimately better for our country.”

Human Rights Campaign

As a large, multi-issue organization, HRC, like the Log Cabin Republicans, is identifying examples from the military that will affect their work. In terms of broader policy, HRC believes bumps in the road come with any large scale political change such as the end of DADT.

“There will be elements of DADT repeal that we need to be watchful of,” said HRC spokesman Michael Cole-Schwartz. “We need to ensure people are not discriminated against, claims of harassment are pursued appropriately, and service members have access to channels in order to deal with such problems in the same way their straight colleagues do, as well.”

Like other organizations, HRC thinks an explicit nondiscrimination policy covering sexual orientation would clarify and ensure the military’s desire for nondiscrimination of any kind.

While the group has no wholesale change in their outlook with this victory, HRC thinks there is still work to be done.

“Think about it in light of the hate crimes law passed a couple years ago,” Cole-Schwartz said. “While a huge victory, there are still things we as an organization do, such as working closely with the Department of Justice and publishing a guide for how states work with the law. While a different issue, it is illustrative of how there is still a lot of work to do on implementation and ensuring that the spirit of the law is followed. I think it’ll be the same as DADT repeal. While the statute is wiped off the books, there is plenty for advocates to do with regard to the day-to-day lives of the people we represent.”

I really wasn’t expecting to be some sort of an activist when I enlisted in the military under Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (DADT) in 2005, yet somehow fate proved me wrong. This year has been most productive for the fledging OutServe Hawaii (OSHi) chapter. When I was offered the chance to be a leader, I knew that 2011 was the year that Don’t Ask Don’t Tell was finally going to be buried. However, like all victories, I knew the repeal of DADT would have to be held and maintained. The only way to do that was to help with the general effort of legitimizing OutServe as a strong and professional force within the military. To do this, we had to look at the very basics of military campaigns.

Concentrate Your Forces

The first step is to concentrate one’s forces. Being a small, concentrated island with all Services in such close proximity, we needed to expand beyond the online social network. We started doing basic events such as group hikes, beach days, dinners, movies, and other social events. This had a two-fold effect; it built morale and it established face-to-face contact between members. It also afforded me the chance to gauge the spirit of the group. Some were interested in social events, while others actually wanted to do community service. In both cases, it offered a chance for members to get together.

Build a credible reputation

The first real visibility was purely by chance. Hawaii Supreme Court Justice Sabrina McKenna, one of five openly gay Supreme Court Justices in the nation, was speaking at a local bar called Tapa’s II. She spoke about the importance of LGBT rights and how much we, as a community, can achieve a great deal if only we fought for it. OutServe Hawaii Co-lead Jeffrey Pound and I listened to the justice speak and introduced ourselves. Justice McKenna congratulated and praised OutServe for its efforts to maintain a sense of professionalism in those dark times.

Justice McKenna also had a surprise guest who was also one of her biggest supporters: Hawaii Governor Neil Abercrombie. It was during this fateful meeting that we also made contact with one of our biggest civilian supporters, eXpression! Magazine. Jade Le, the editor-in-chief, was very interested in OutServe, and we promised to give her the cover story when the repeal was final. This was a promise kept. On the 1st of October, OutServe Hawaii had its members in uniform as featured on the cover of eXpression! Magazine.

Engage the community and share the credit

OutServe Hawaii continued legitimizing itself as an organization as the repeal neared. We realized that we needed to expand beyond the social scene and start engaging the community, and that came in the form of a highway. We found out about Andrew Wilfahrt, a gay soldier killed in an Improvised Explosive Device (IED) blast in Afghanistan, through a report on CNN. After some investigating, we were surprised to find out that Andrew had been stationed in Schofield Barracks in the middle of Oahu. We decided to do something, and after negotiating the terms of the ‘Adopt-a-Highway’ program with the Hawaiian Department of Transportation, we set to work. Out of respect, we notified Andrew’s unit and his parents, Jeff and Lori Wilfahrt, of our intentions.

We celebrated OutServe’s 1st anniversary with the initial cleanup of a beautiful stretch of Kamehameha Highway. One of our members, Rich Armstrong, who had once lived above Hula’s Bar and Lei stand, helped us coordinate a party to celebrate Andrew’s life, the anniversary of OutServe, and the family that had formed around our chapter. That celebration was our very first public event, successfully introducing OSHi to the rest of Hawaii’s LGBT community.

Build Alliances and continue to build on success

Coordinating through Facebook, we signed a partnership with Equality Hawaii, a portal to the state’s entire LGBT community. It was from Equality Hawaii that our exposure really grew. We linked up with the Gay Straight Alliance for local high schools, the Life Foundation (AIDS Research), and the Hawaii Pride Foundation.

On September 17th, three days before repeal, OSHi participated in its first-ever Pride March, with 5 brave members. We also had an information booth which introduced OutServe to the greater LGBT community. Hawaii was extremely surprised to find an active, yet covert group of active duty troops forming a basic support group.

When repeal finally happened on September 20th, the closet doors finally blasted open. We made front page news at the Honolulu Star Advertiser, and were featured in an interview on KHNL Hawaii News Now. In each media report, we mentioned the Cpl Andrew Wilfahrt Memorial Highway, and in each report, we stressed the importance of “mission first” and that it was “business as usual.” These simple actions resulted in the commands of our members being thoroughly impressed by the level of professionalism displayed by their service members who chose to speak with the media.

My proudest moment wasn’t being on the news, or the warm reception of OSHi at Pride. It was during the first OutServe Armed Forces Leadership Summit in Las Vegas, were I met Lori and Jeff Wilfahrt. That was a humbling and awe inspiring experience, and words simply do not do it justice. The memorial highway was our biggest project, and finally meeting Andrew’s parents struck a chord deep in my soul. During the formal dinner, I presented to them a signed and framed picture of OSHi members and the sign of our adopted road, the Cpl Andrew Wilfahrt Highway.

The most heartfelt moment of the entire Summit was receiving a personal KIA band with Andrew’s name, unit and the date he died. In that briefest of moments, when I hugged Jeff and Lori, I felt their love—I felt a small piece of what Andrew must have felt for them. Andrew was very fortunate to have parents like Jeff and Lori. Truly humble, honorable people, who continue tirelessly fighting for LGBT rights, even after Andrew’s passing. Their courage and conviction inspired me to continue on our campaign and to keep moving forward in pursuit of total equality and victory.

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At the age of nineteen, I began a destructive life of deception, lies, and evasion with myself and the government of the United States of America. The day this happened was like any other day in Amherst, Massachusetts in the winter–cold, gray, and slightly breezy. I was wearing a maroon button-up shirt, khaki pants, and an old pair of worn-out brown boots when I made my way to Detachment 370, the local Air Force ROTC unit.

I sat in a small conference room adorned with 1980’s wood-paneling on the second floor of an aging building, waiting for Staff Sergeant H (SSgt) to bring in my paperwork so I could finally apply to join the Air Force. She was a determined woman who walked and spoke with an air of authority that rivaled my future Commander. As we went through the forms, I became increasingly excited about what I was about to embark upon. The history, the tradition, the honor, the integrity …

Before I signed each paper, SSgt H would look me sternly in the eyes and ask if I had any questions. No ma’am. So you understand what is expected of you? Yes ma’am. Of course, most of what she had been asking thus far were routine questions or issues that were not problems in my life: health ailments, drug or alcohol abuse, huge financial problems. For a brief moment, in the flurry of signing a mountain of forms, I had entirely forgotten about the DADT policy. It was not as if I did not know about it before joining ROTC. In fact, part of the reason why I joined ROTC so late was that I was still wrestling with my own sexual identity. Was I bisexual? Was this a phase? Isn’t college about experimentation? I wanted to be sure that I knew how I was feeling before I put myself in a situation that would bind me.

“The last thing we need to discuss is the homosexual policy.” I could feel the sweat starting to pour down the nape of my back. The room, which a moment earlier was fairly cool, became almost stiflingly hot. SSgt H bored into me with her eyes as she went through the regulation, staring at me like she could see right through my act. After she was done explaining the policy, she handed me a form and asked me to sign it. As I stared at the form, pen slightly elevated in my right hand, I told myself that joining the military — serving my country — involved some sort of sacrifice. Though the military did not expressly forbid gays and lesbians to join under the DADT law signed by President Clinton, one could not act of course on any of their natural desires. I foolishly thought to myself: It couldn’t be that hard to tame my burgeoning sexual desires while I served my time …right? I quickly signed the form and handed it to SSgt H. I was now officially a Cadet.

The implications of my actions were evident almost immediately. About a month after joining ROTC, I was on a date in my room discussing politics and my current slate of classes when my date’s eyes reverted to my bookshelf. Almost immediately, I noticed my AFROTC textbook and I bit my lip with nervousness. “You joined ROTC, Eddy?” The tone in his voice reflected disappointment, almost disgust. “How can you force yourself to live a lie?” Needless to say, there was never a second date.

Though I thought my date had a legitimate point — I understood his frustration — I believed that there was nothing shameful about serving my country, regardless of the circumstances. When I did finally land a boyfriend during my senior year in college, my stress level exponentially increased. Not only was I selected as Cadet Wing Commander, charged with setting the example for the rest of the cadet corps, but I was also on a scholarship. If someone were to divulge that I had a boyfriend, I would have lost everything. Luckily I had a boyfriend who was willing to stick with me through this process, but as I grew closer to my fellow cadets, the inevitable questions concerning my love life would almost always come up. The lies, the deception to the people I truly cared about and trusted tortured me over time.

It was not until after I commissioned that the closest run-in I had with outing myself occurred. After about two years into my commission I was stationed overseas, a year into a pretty serious relationship, and thoroughly enjoying my life. Despite the DADT policy, I had managed to successfully navigate my relationship through a maze of secrecy among my colleagues. Or at least that is what I thought. My boss at the time, a Major in the Air Force, called me into her office one day rather unexpectedly. “Eddy, I need to talk to you about something before I leave here next month. Follow me please.” As I followed into her office I sat down, placed my hand over the side of my cheek — my boyfriend’s ring on my finger — and stared at her with c omplete seriousness. “What did you want to talk about Ma’am?”

“I am worried about you. You do a great job around here and I don’t want to see you leave because of a policy you and I probably don’t agree with. Perception is reality in the military. People notice that ring on your finger, the calls to the office from a man, and ask questions. Please, just be careful. Take off the ring.” Throughout this exchange I merely sat there and slowly nodded my head. Neither of us explicitly acknowledged the policy, or even uttered the words gay, but her point was abundantly clear — you’re beginning to cross the line. I thanked her for her concern and promptly left her office. My cheeks were bright red, my entire body was burning, and tears were forming in my eyes. What right did she have to tell me I could not wear a ring on my finger? Why was I questioned about my sexual preferences when no one else in the office was?

Though I was upset at the time, I grew to respect my former boss for her words and concern. Though they were borderline inappropriate, in my opinion, she was trying to look out for me — and there is something to be said for that. Despite her warning, the ring stayed on my finger. It became, to me at least, a talisman that gave me the strength to not back down. Though I continued to put my job at risk with such a simple gesture, I found the ring gave me an ounce of courage that I did not possess before this incident. It awoke in me a passion — more than I ever had before — to do something to make sure this policy would become history.

This magazine is the fruit of those efforts.

—-
Eddy Sweeney is an active duty Intelligence officer who commissioned in the Air Force in 2007. He is also the managing editor of OutServe Magazine. For more information on Sweeney, read his bio at: http://outservemag.org/mag-staff/

With renowned organizations and honorary guest speakers, the Armed Forces Leadership Summit will provide the LGBT military community a means of building professional networks, sharing best practices and formulating strategies that help build a stronger military community. The Summit will feature respected and well-known authorities presenting on a range of topics, intriguing and groundbreaking panels, and interactive workshops that address diversity as a strength. Among the many topics to be featured: how allied military forces have built a diverse military community; post-service employment opportunities for LGBT personnel; legislative battles ahead; and resources for LGBT military families and partners. The Summit will also include strategic group breakouts for partners, transgender service members, service academies, women and others.

“We believe diversity is a force multiplier, and this conference will bring together veterans, active-duty military, and other experts to help us leverage LGBT inclusion for the benefit of military readiness,” says Josh Seefried, OutServe’s active-duty co-director. “Building an environment of mutual respect is ingrained in our military values, and as active-duty soldiers, sailors, airmen, and marines who happen to be gay, that’s what we are working toward.”

“As Mrs. Obama and Dr. Biden have shown us through their ‘Joining Forces’ project, supporting military families is supporting the military,” added Seefried. “Providing resources to LGBT military partners and families is a priority for us since the military is currently prohibited from giving any spousal benefits to them.”

Well-renowned organizations and businesses are moving quickly at the opportunity to support this year’s Armed Forces Leadership Summit. The Central Intelligence Agency, Human Rights Campaign, Servicemembers Legal Defense Network, and Out & Equal are just a few among a growing list of supporters. As evidenced by this dynamic and diverse group of sponsors, the Summit is bound to generate a fascinating dialogue.

As we move to a post-DADT climate, it’s imperative that we organize as a community and strategize how to build a more equitable, diverse, and safe military. OutServe is ecstatic to lead this discussion and pave the way for a brighter future in our military community.
– Andrew Jenkins

Image from Proud to Serve: a portrait essay by JoAnn Santangelo, featuring LGBT service members who served their country in silence or were discharged under DADT

A marine company commander talked about having everything – yet still wanting to end his own life … A Naval Academy graduate shared the universal story of love, loss, and trying to belong … and a heart-wrenching story detailed the gruesome, unfeeling acts of hatred directed at young Petty Officer Third Class Allen Schindler. Two issues, 44 pages, and over 20,000 views later, OutServe Magazine is about to release another groundbreaking issue, online and in print at several military installations and AAFES locations, coinciding with the September 20^th “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” repeal date.

Less than thirty days from now, the age of LGBT discrimination in the military will officially be over! Our servicemembers will finally be able to serve openly, with integrity. And in celebration of one of our Nation’s historic moments, OutServe Magazine is publishing something very special – something that has not been done before in the entire history of our Nation’s military: almost a hundred actively serving military members are coming out in this next issue! After centuries of serving in the shadows, we are stepping forward and publicly expressing our commitment to our country and a commitment to our values of integrity, openness, and equality for everyone … page after page featuring pictures, bios and duty stations of the LGBT men and women who have finally been given a voice by their Nation.

Image from Proud to Serve: a portrait essay by JoAnn Santangelo, featuring LGBT service members who served their country in silence or were discharged under DADT

Another exciting – and moving – feature for this upcoming issue is Proud to Serve: a portrait essay and multimedia piece featuring Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) American service members who served their country in silence or were discharged under the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” law.

Don’t miss out on a truly historic issue of OutServe Magazine! Sign up for our digital magazine by clicking here, and get plugged into OutServe, the organization of actively serving LGBT military personnel!

I realized I was gay in high school, though upon closer reflection the writing was on the wall long before that. I dabbled when I was in junior high, and was in my first long-term relationship with a guy by my senior year. Ironically, I was also in my first long-term relationship with a girl at the same time. To say I was in denial was an understatement. It did not help that my mother, an evangelical convert late in life, realized my sexual leanings and ordered me to counseling with her minister. They both managed to convince me (a struggling recent convert at the time) that my relationship with boys was unnatural, ungodly, and would ensure I had a reservation in Hell when I died. Naturally, I believed them.

At college, I did what my family expected me to do. I went to a big, conservative school in Texas with a large ROTC program, I suppressed my sexuality publically (though quietly seeking the occasional interlude on the “DL”) and I went about my life. My long-term girlfriend broke up with me during my sophomore year after my long-term ex-boyfriend called her and told her about us. I didn’t date anyone after that for about three years.

Fast-forward to college graduation and commissioning. I started dating a girl in the fall of my college victory lap (5th year) and then proposed to her shortly before starting Marine Basic Officer Course in Quantico, VA. The suggestion to propose came from my best friend (who didn’t know I was gay) and I was too scared and too deep in the closet to tell him. I bought a ring, she said yes, and we were married five months later. At this point, there was absolutely no doubt in my mind that I was gay, but there was also no chance that I would ever consider coming out to anyone, so I assumed I could simply change my feelings over time, and that I would eventually become straight, or at least bisexual.

It didn’t take me long to realize how hard it was going to be to keep up the illusion of sexual attraction. I have never been attracted to women. I can become aroused while making out with a woman and I can have intercourse, but my mind is always on previous sexual encounters with men. Always. In the seven years of my marriage, I don’t think that my wife and I had sex more than 100 times. I know this frustrated my wife, but I was too afraid and ashamed to tell her the truth, and so the lie became a life, and life became more complicated.

After my first deployment, we decided to try and get pregnant. I realize that I should have told my wife before this point about my sexuality, but again, I was too ashamed and I wanted to have a child before my next deployment. As an only child, I alone bore the family name and I did not want that name extinguished if something happened to me on my next combat tour. I had long concluded that my life would be one of silence and suppression of my feelings – the safest and most considerate thing to do. We were immediately successful and my wife became pregnant with our twins. I deployed a few weeks later.

Following the second deployment, I returned home to my new family. When I left, I had a wife and a dog. When I returned, I had a full house. Becoming a father was the best experience of my life. I’m not a great dad, but I worship my kids and they love me, so that is all that matters.

But being a father, especially as my kids grew older and smarter, made me realize the importance of honesty with my children. What would I do if my son or my daughter killed themselves as a pre-teen or as a teenager because they thought their parents wouldn’t understand? What would they think if they were to discover my sexuality when they were teenagers or adults? Would they hate me for lying to them and their mom? Would they resent me because I was not honest with them?

And about my wife—how much longer could I make her unwittingly suffer without the knowledge of my true feelings and desires? How much longer would I let her think that my lack of desire for her was her fault or that she was somehow unattractive? I knew that the longer I waited, the more painful the truth would be.

When I was at PME school, two significant issues began to creep into my conscious. First, I realized that my true political beliefs no longer matched those I professed. Despite being raised in conservative south Texas, attending a very conservative university, and serving as an officer in the most conservative of our Nation’s armed services, I was actually quite liberal. While most people have this revelation in college, I waited until I was almost thirty before allowing myself to admit it. The significance of this admission is closely tied to the other issue—my religion and faith.

These two revelations, each life changing for me in their own way, were perhaps the most significant contributing factors to my ultimate decision to come out to my wife. Once I was able to accept myself spiritually and politically, it freed my mind and my heart to accept (for the first time) myself sexually. Armed with the power of that knowledge, I decided that I would tell my wife the truth, and I would do so before the year’s end.

A few months ago, just before deployment, I came out to my wife. I had been sexually active with a male friend for about three months, and while that relationship was nothing sustainable, I couldn’t bear to keep it from my wife any longer. I feared that if she discovered my infidelity on her own, she would never be able to forgive me, and I knew that her eventual forgiveness was critical to my long-term emotional stability. Equally important to me was finding an end to the secret meetings and late-night hookups. I knew that my desire for men went far beyond sex; it was the relationship I wanted, and that demanded a total lifestyle change.

It was a Wednesday in October when I made the decision. I called her from work and asked her if she could have a friend watch the kids one night later in the week—we needed to talk. She immediately suspected something was wrong. By the time I came home, she was very distraught. She kept asking me questions, trying to pry the subject of the conversation out. I wouldn’t tell her, and that made it worse. I had hoped for a Friday night talk, where we could have the weekend to work through the intense emotions I knew would follow, but she couldn’t wait. I eventually quit stalling. We sent the kids to the neighbor’s house, sat down on the couch, and I spilled my guts. At first, she just sat there, shaking violently, having trouble catching her breath. She kept saying ‘okay, okay, okay, okay,’ as if she could somehow talk herself into accepting the complete destruction of the world she knew by wishing everything to be okay. But it wasn’t okay. We talked and cried for four hours that first night. She desperately needed someone to talk to, and so she asked if she could call her mother. I told her that was fine, and she made me promise to stay in the room. In spite of her anger and disbelief, she wanted me to hear every word she said, because she wanted me to know that she wasn’t going run to her family with the kids. She was in the lowest point of her entire life, but she wanted to be sure that I knew something—this was still OUR family, and we had to handle this as a team.

It was hard that night; it still is. But it was the right thing to do. While she is still hurt and angry, she does not hate me because I am gay. She is angry because I lied to her. We’ve agreed to stay together for a time until we work out what is best for the kids. We’ve decided to get divorced, but not to rush into it. She’s even let me start seeing a guy I really like; a fellow service member who I can see myself committed to for a long time. So there is hope for progress.

So why do I think about suicide? Because I’m 32 years old, and the world I built for myself is crumbling around me. Despite the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, I’m terrified of my Marines finding out that I am gay. I’m terrified of telling my parents. I’m terrified that my wife and I will fight about our kids and she will take them somewhere that I won’t be able to get stationed. Life is so much better for our generation than it has been for previous ones. I’m grateful everyday for those who paved the way for our society to recognize LGBT people as equals. But I struggle everyday with the reality of living on the threshold of this new world.  My kids, my Marines, and the hope for a future with someone I can love openly are the only reasons I’m still alive today.

-N