New Year; New Blog; New Perspective

By Kristen Kavanaugh

I always get excited about the beginning of a new year.  I see it as a time to reflect on the events of the past and plan for the year ahead.  By most accounts 2011 was amazing.  It is hard to choose a particular event that captures the full essence of the year, but there was one moment that stood out for me personally that I would like to use as the launching point for this blog.

I was approached by one of my clients after a recreational therapy session in November.  He, a combat hardened Marine sniper with multiple deployments to Iraq and Afghanistan under his belt, asked if I had prior military experience.  I know this seems harmless, but in the mental health profession these types of personal questions bring up a little anxiety.  I answered his question with a simple head nod.

Outside of the obvious professional reasons, I hesitated to engage any further in this conversation with the Marine.  If the truth were known, there have been reasons why I haven’t felt especially proud of my military service.

First, as a Finance Officer, I sometimes felt as though my job was as not as integral to the success of the mission as those who served in combat arms roles.  Early on in my schooling I remember joining in with other students to mock graduates who became finance officers.  Then after I graduated, I became one and the jokes suddenly weren’t as funny.  It was difficult for me to feel proud when others devalued my contribution because it was not combat arms related.

At times, I found it difficult, as a woman, to feel proud about my service.  The military is still a boys’ club.  Although more and more opportunities are being afforded to women, the military culture remains hyper-masculine and our contributions are sometimes overlooked or discounted.  I felt as though the only way to gain the respect of my male counterparts was to suppress my feminine qualities and become one of “the guys” to the extent that I could.

Serving as a closeted lesbian was my most difficult struggle.  For the nine years that I served under the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy, I purposely kept my professional and personal lives separate.  I felt my service in the Marine Corps was an isolated world apart from my true identity.  How could I feel proud about my service when I pretended that it didn’t exist outside of regular working hours? 

This made me wonder if this is a common feeling for female service members or non-combat arms service members in general?  Is it especially common for lesbians, who until late last year, were forced to serve in silence and not receive public praise for their accomplishments within the military?  It was a common feeling for me until my perspective was changed last November.

Marines are known for their relentless persistence, and the sniper was no exception. His persistence wore on me, and I told him that I was previously an accountant in the Marine Corps.  I followed that statement with a shoulder shrug and eye roll as I normally do.  It was his reaction that forced me to really reflect upon my service and the role women play in the military.

He reminded me to be proud of my contribution.  He said that the Marine Corps is like a hand and each occupational specialty is like a finger: we have our individual missions, but we are most powerful when we work together and support one another.  That hit home for me on so many levels.  As a non-combat arms Marine, I felt as though my job was an essential part of the overall mission and that others appreciated our contribution.  I felt validated.  As a woman, I felt, for the first time, my gender was a non-issue.  I felt accepted by a member of the hyper-masculine majority despite maintaining feminine qualities.  The repeal of DADT gave me permission to start integrating my prior military service into my personal narrative.  This conversation gave me an opportunity to talk about my service without feeling ashamed of being a lesbian.       

I was enlightened by my conversation in November, and I continue to be inspired by the women who are pushing the gender boundaries within the military.  Our role as women is important and the military is more powerful because of our contribution.  I am inspired by the brave women who have volunteered to join Female Engagement Teams and Cultural Support Teams.  I am in awe of these warriors and their willingness to venture into new territory.

It is not only about the women who have willingly stepped into combat roles.  It is about the generations of women that have paved the way for us to get to the point where we are accepted among our peers.  It is about women, straight and lesbian, officer and enlisted, who continue to show up to work every day in support roles across every branch of service and wholeheartedly honor their commitment to serve our country.  Despite the challenges of working in a heterosexual male dominated organization, they continue to thrive and succeed.  These women work hard and deserve to be proud of their accomplishments on and off the battlefield, as do those that have gone before them.

The sniper and this new generation of female warriors have given me a new perspective for the new year.  No matter your job, your gender, or your sexual orientation, if you serve with passion and can walk away at the end of each day knowing that you have given it your all; you have directly contributed to making our Armed Forces the most powerful fighting force in the world.