A Year After DADT: In Mixed Company

Bloggers Opinions — 21 September 2012

Part of a series of guest blogs reflecting on the first anniversary of the formal repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.

By Bryan Watts

During DADT, the weeks moved forward with gay “jokes” thrown around in my unit. This of course happened on a daily basis, and it seemed like I was alone in a career not meant for me. As a new junior enlisted Airman at the time, I was forced to smile and laugh with them as they ridiculed me without even knowing it.

Post-DADT, the gay jokes have died down, yes, but no one has changed. I still hear “faggot” and “queer” when someone does something wrong, including my SNCO’s (Senior Noncommissioned Officer) saying it. One SNCO even told a few of us a story that he “hated” faggots and wished they would all die, that’s why he doesn’t like San Francisco. How can I work with a group of people who would hate me if I showed them who I really was?

Content brought to you by:

Now, all you really hear is, “It’s a different Air Force” or “We live in a different military now,” if someone does anything “gay.” Nothing has really changed in my opinion. My leadership is very religious and I know they feel strongly against homosexuals. I have told most of my friends in the Junior Enlisted Tier that I am gay, and NOT ONE of them has treated me differently. If anything, we are closer and we get along and work way better. But I can’t really tell anyone else NCO or higher, without fear of being mistreated. Maybe in time things will get better, but as a low rank on the enlisted side, can we really come out to our leadership, our co-workers, our friends, without fear of being treated differently? DADT being repealed is an amazing one step forward, but to me it’s just that, one step; we have miles to go.

Watts is currently serving in the U.S. Air Force.

Michael Holtz:

September 21st, 2012 at 4:18 pm

In light of the article, I would challenge those of us who are LGB in the military, whether NCO or officer, to strongly consider how remaining closeted may be making things more difficult for our junior Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, and Marines. If we demonstrate the personal courage to be out among our peers, it will make things much more difficult for our peers and subordinates to continue abusive behavior. Additionally, I would challenge those LGBT-friendly leadership to ensure such discriminatory behavior is unacceptable in any military ranks, and that it will be dealt with severely.

David Small:

September 22nd, 2012 at 3:32 am

Bryan, I have heard a number of stories where the command climate acts the fool right up until the moment they find out one of their best and brightest is gay. At that point, their jaws drop, their tail goes between their legs, and an epiphany hits them that gays aren't the stereotypical ass-less chap wearing miscreants they perceive us to be. We are professional service members serving with integrity, probably more so than they given such comments. The one thing that outranks rank is integrity. While scary, I'd encourage you to up-mentor your leadership on propriety and to keep their bigoted ideals to themselves. You don't have to come out to do so, but if their response is, "What, are you a fag?"... then say yes. Dare them to call you that to your face. I may have a different perspective given I'm both an officer and reservist, and couldn't give 2 craps for what people in my chain of command think of me. But I have stood up to a bigot Colonel long before DADT ended. It takes some brass, but it's the right thing to do. And you have the OutServe network behind you all the way. No jerk NCO can stand up to all of us.

Bryan Watts:

September 22nd, 2012 at 6:38 am

Thank you guys :)

Jason Harvey:

September 24th, 2012 at 12:19 am

My experience has been nothing but positive. I put a lot of thought into whether or not to come out, but similar to what others have said, I came to the conclusion I'm not doing anybody any favors by staying in the closet. When I came out, the typical reaction was either "Yeah, we knew" or "Yeah, so what". I was pleasantly surprised and can't believe how much I stressed that. I am a SNCO and after coming out, nothing has really changed. I too have some strongly religious people in my chain of command, but they don't treat me any different because of their beliefs. I'm still trusted to do my job, my opinion is still valued by my superiors and subordinates. I'm still trusted in every leadership position that a person of my rank would normally be placed in. Yeah, I'm sure there's some haters, but overall nothing is different. If anything, everything is better. That's my story though, individual results may vary. I think for the most part though as long as you don't shove your sexuality down everyone's throats and get disrespectful to others because of it, for the most part everything will be ok. My typical behavior is that I don't deny it my sexuality, I won't hide it, but I don't rub it in everyone's face either. I will say though, that I do have an awesome chain of command and my Commander is a caring people person kind of guy. That may have an impact on why things have gone so well for me. He's isn't, nor would any good leader, tolerate ANY abusive behavior from anyone in the organization. Also being a SNCO might have been a significant reason for why things have gone so well for me. Regardless of who someone is, it's pretty hard to get away with abusive/disrespectful/hateful behavior when it involves a SNCO. Just my thoughts.